Few people understand how hard it is to get up and do something when you’re feeling down, depressed, and broken, but I do. Those kind of days can be utterly devastating, especially when it happens to fall on a day when you had so much planned.

Oftentimes, what can feel even worse than the day you actually lost, is the day after. That’s when all the guilt, sadness, and shame from not getting out of the bed, cancelling on friends and family, or even calling out of work, sets in. It can feel like you are experiencing an emotional hangover, but from depression.

Your down days don’t have to always feel like a battle you’ve already lost. They are still a few simple things you can do. Even if you don’t fully recover and have the day you had originally envisioned, you can still have a day where at the end you can take a deep breath, and feel satisfied that you did the best you could given how you were feeling. While there is no cure for bad days, there are a few helpful things I’ve stumbled across over the years that have helped lift my spirits, and prevent my bad day from turning into a bad week (or even a bad month).

1. Get Dressed – “When you look good, you feel good.” Maria Sharapova

My first inclination on a day I’m feeling really depressed is to not get dressed. For years, I use to believe in that comfortable image of myself lounging around the house, enjoying a relaxing day in my pajamas. The only thing about this was, it just simply wasn’t true.

I spent the day in my pajamas because I didn’t have the energy to get dressed, not because I wanted to relax. I thought I was doing myself a favor by putting less pressure on myself to not get dressed, but what I really was doing was continuing to feed my already bad feelings.  

On one occasion, my husband and I were getting ready to go to the gym. I had thrown on some old clothes, you know, the stuff you generally don’t wear outside the house. My husband took one look at me and said, “uh, is that what you’re wearing?” I looked at him with annoyance and replied, “of course, that’s why I have it on.” He shrugged his shoulders and said, “okay, but you know they say people who feel good about how they look when they go to the gym tend to have a better work-out.” I was intrigued. He explained, “think of it as a little mental motivation, especially on the days you don’t feel like going.”

I never thought much about this conversation, until sometime later when I was having a particularly rough day. It was mid-afternoon and I hadn’t even bothered to get dressed. I was feeling completely disgusted with myself and was desperate to feel better. I thought back to my husband’s anecdote about the correlation between looking good and feeling good, and decided to apply it to myself.

I went to the closest, picked out one of my favorite house-dresses, and put it on. I had always liked this particular dress, and tried to let those good feelings carry over. It may have been a simple gesture, but it helped in a lot of little ways. Not only did I feel better about how I looked, but I also felt good knowing that by getting dressed I had accomplished one small thing for that day.

2. Do Something – “I can do small things in a great way.” James Freeman Clarke 

On my bad days, I usually don’t get anything done. All the plans I may have had for that day are completely swept aside and put on hold indefinitely. I don’t go to the store, I cancel on friends, and a few times, I’ve even called out of work. Most of the time I just stay home, lie in the bed all day, and watch tv. I didn’t realize that the less I did, the worse I felt. I began to think to myself, if I could just get one thing done, then maybe I’d feel just a little bit better.

As I sat staring around my house one afternoon, I felt oppressed by all the things I had left undone. The sink was full of dishes, the shoes were piled up by the front door, the mail was overflowing on the counter, and the living room was a mess. I knew I couldn’t get it all done, and in fact I didn’t want to, but I decided to make a deal with myself, that if I completed one small task, then I would allow myself to get back in the bed for the rest of the day.

I thought, fair enough and decided to do the dishes. I rolled up my sleeves and dug in, and after about thirty minutes, the dishes were clean, the countertops were wiped off, and the trash was neatly tied up and to the side. It felt good to be standing in the middle of a clean kitchen.

I reasoned that before I went back to bed, I might as well do one more small thing. I decided to pick up the shoes. That took about ten minutes. As I was making my final trip to the bedroom with the last pair, I passed the living room and figured I might as well straighten it up a bit before I finish up for the day. I put the couch cushions back in order and cleared off the center table. All this took me about two hours, and honestly, it felt like the time just flew by.

Completing these small tasks helped to take my mind off of how bad I was feeling. Not only did the house look better, but I felt better too. Yes, they were only a few small house chores, but it gave me a sincere feeling of accomplishment.

3. Light Therapy- “Keep your face to the sun and you will never see the shadows.” Helen Keller

I had read an article about a famous singer who said she had begun struggling with depression as an adult. Although she had a thriving career and a family, she felt as though she couldn’t enjoy her life. Her doctor suggested she spend a few months in a warmer, sunnier climate to see if it helped lift her mood. She took a vacation to a warmer area and spent the next several weeks trying to recuperate her mind and spirit. After a few months, she reported that she felt much better, and even ended up relocating there.

After reading her story, I couldn’t help but wonder, “could sunlight actually help me feel better?” I wanted to test it out, and decided to make a concerted effort to brighten up the house the next time I was feeling down.

When that day came, it started off the way it usually does, with me staying in the bed with the blinds closed, crying about all the things in my life that I felt I couldn’t possibly fix. These were real tears for real problems. Whether it was health issues, money problems, family drama, work stress, or relationship troubles, every area of my life left me with feelings of desperation and exasperation.  

Remembering my promise to myself, I decided to at least open the blinds and turn some of the lights on. I went to the living room, since it had the most windows, and opened all the blinds and turned on the lamp.  

I sat on the couch and just looked out the window. I was thankful it happened to be a sunny day outside. As I sat there, I couldn’t help but think back to when I was a child, and how I always loved waking up with the sun shining in through the window. It didn’t happen often, but when it did, it always made me feel like I was going to have a good day. The ultimate sign that the universe was smiling on me. I sometimes miss those innocent feelings I had as a child. Back then, happiness seemed so fun, so easy to catch.

While none of my problems disappeared, it was nice to feel as though I was a little more connected with nature and the things around me. It had a very calming effect, and felt good to be able to experience a few moments of subtle peace.

4. Let Go of Time – “Time does not pass, it continues” Marty Rubin

I for one have never been good at shaking off a bad morning. My mornings really do set the tone for my day.  Like many, I usually start planning my day the night before. While lying in bed, I’ll make a mental checklist of all the things I’m planning to accomplish the following day.

When the next day came and my alarm would go off, I would open my eyes only to feel like all my momentum and energy from the night before had somehow deserted me while I slept.

Now, the day that I had planned to start at 8AM, sluggishly starts at 10AM. Because I am running behind I have to make modifications to all my plans, and I resent having to do this. Even worse, it seems the less I get done, the guiltier I feel.  

I become frustrated with myself, and annoyed with everyone else. By late afternoon, I’m pouring myself a drink to calm my nerves, and by early evening, I’m nearly passed out and ready for bed. Before I know it, the day that I had planned to get so much done was gone, lost all to nothingness.

After having many (many) days like this, I decided to take a different approach to how I planned my day, and how I would respond in the event I didn’t accomplish the things I had set out to do. I started with my mental to-do list I would make in bed before I went to sleep. I realized that I wasn’t planning, but that I was over-planning. I was creating unrealistic expectations for myself that I couldn’t possible meet.

Even on my best days, I only accomplish a fraction of the things I set out to do, but this never bothered me, because I was too busy focusing on what I had done to even worry about what I hadn’t. I came to see that on my bad days, the opposite of this was true. I spent all my time focusing on the things I didn’t do, and barely acknowledged the things I did. If on my good days, I didn’t feel guilty about the things I didn’t get done, why couldn’t I apply this same principle to my bad days? I chose to stop focusing on time, and instead focused on my accomplishments.

I also began to temper my negative responses. On my bad days, I use to feel that because I was wasting time, that I myself was a waste of time. I thought I was lazy and ungrateful, and felt ashamed of myself in comparison to other people and all their accomplishments. I had to learn to stop worrying about where I thought I should be in my day, and give myself credit for where I was. I came to realize that berating myself was actually the biggest waste of my time.

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These are just a few of the simple things I do to help myself feel better when I’m feeling down. You’ll notice that a lot of the things I shared here are from conversations, or from stories I’ve read written by people going through similar circumstances. That’s why I always encourage you to share your story. You never know who you can help or encourage with your words. Sometimes, the simplest advice can make the biggest difference.

Keep writing, Keep sharing