Therapy fit into one of the many long-held beliefs ingrained in me from childhood, that if you were depressed or needed help, you went to to therapy.

Therapy’s Roots

My dad would always tell this story of when he and my mother went to marriage counseling and she stormed out the doctor’s office, yelling down the hall as she went, “I don’t need any damn therapy!” This story always served as a sort of vindication for him, proof that it was her who clearly needed help, not him. Or the time my husband and I took my dad out for dinner and he told my husband (who was my fiancé at the time) that he should have put all his kids in therapy when he got remarried, that way we “wouldn’t have so many problems.” A subtle nod to his belief that the problems with his marriage were the result of the problems with his kids.

Growing up, emotional outbursts were ridiculed and shouted down with “you kids need therapy!” To my parents, a child expressing their feelings was either a sign of extreme disrespect or mental instability, not bad parenting. I internalized these messages very deeply– that emotions equaled therapy. It was during my childhood that I was set on the path to stepping into a therapist’s office one day in my adulthood.

A Road Less Traveled

In a lot of ways, therapy was a good thing for me, but the truth was, I wasn’t seeing the benefits I thought I would.  I was still struggling with the same problems I had been for years. Yes-I had good days I could appreciate, but I also still had a lot of bad days that left me feeling bewildered and lost.

One day at work, I ran into a colleague who was sitting at a lunch table knitting. I thought it was a little odd, but she said to me very self-assuredly, “Oh this is my therapy. When I’m having a stressful day, I like to knit during my lunch break. It’s very peaceful and relaxing.” I was taken aback, what did she mean knitting was her therapy? I couldn’t help but wonder to myself, “was therapy my therapy?” “Did I find it peaceful? Relaxing?”

Over time, I began to question my overall approach to finding healing and happiness. Of course I knew about activities such as yoga, meditation, taking up a hobby, joining a club, and had for years heard of some of their amazing benefits, but why hadn’t I tried any of them? Why was therapy my only solution for getting better?

It was once I began to venture out and explore new things, that I discovered there are many paths to getting better, and finding peace and healing.

1. Group Therapy

Although traditional therapy didn’t work for me, I found group therapy to be wholly beneficial. I was amazed by what others were so willingly and openly able to share. The courage that others had to tell their stories, no matter how tragic, sad, or unfair, gave me the courage to want to share my own.

Where in my normal therapy
sessions I was quiet and reserved (oftentimes my therapist had to prod me with questions to keep the session going) in group, I wanted to speak. I felt empowered by others willingness to share, and deeply moved by their stories.

I also felt encouraged by all the people I met in so many different stages of their own healing process. Healing was embraced at every level. I didn’t have to feel ashamed or embarrassed that I was not as far along as I felt I should have been in life. It was a judgement-free environment guided by a philosophy of acceptance of one’s self as you are, and others as they are.

2. Massage Therapy – Healing Through Touch

I always had this sense that I was never held as a baby, that I was left to cry for hours on end, and no one ever came to soothe or comfort me. While I don’t know this for certain, and there is no way I would be able to prove it, I have a strong sense that this is something that may have happened to me. This led me on my journey to explore the idea of healing through touch.

I sought out massage therapy as a way of finding healing for the mind and body. Common forms of this type of therapy include reiki, aromatherapy, acupuncture, reflexology, etc. My therapist used a blend of these, and several other different healing techniques, based on my individual needs.

We began each session by discussing how I was feeling and the kind of week I had. This was generally followed by a few simple breathing exercises before the actual massage. Throughout the session, she would ask questions about my family, my job, my goals, and about past events that may have hurt me. She asked about the parts of my body that gave me the most pain or discomfort and focused on those areas. It was a symbolic way of applying physical comfort to my body, and to my inner emotional pain.

Massage therapy helped me to see the connection between how the emotions that build up in the mind can also build up in the body in the form of aches, pains, headaches, migraines, fatigue, etc. It was a simple concept, but the benefits were far-reaching, emotional healing through the comfort of physical touch. 

3. Chakra Healing Stones

I was introduced to chakra healing stones in massage therapy. Chakras are energy centers located throughout the body. They spin in accordance to our own emotional frequencies emanating energy. Traditionally, the body is thought to contain seven chakras—root, sacral, solar plexus, heart, throat, third eye, and crown. When our chakras, or emotions, are not in alignment, healing stones can be used as tools to help bring balance back to the mind, body and spirit.

I had always regarded my emotions as unruly and unwelcome thoughts and feelings. I never thought them as a form of energy. To me, my strong emotions, such as anger, fear, jealousy, disappointment, sadness, were all signs of weakness. I thought if I could control my emotions better, then I could control my life better. I failed to see that what my emotions needed was not control, but healing.

Healing stones serve as complements to each chakra center. There are many stones available, and each carry different vibrational capabilities. Because I knew nothing about healing stones when I first started, I purchased a small set of chakras stones I could place around my home from Amazon, and a chakras stone necklace I could wear daily from Etsy. I read about the different properties of each stone, and used this as my guide to help focus and re-center my intentions throughout the day.

My chakra healing stones became one of the most positive aspects of my day. I found them visually appealing, and the little adjustments I made to my day were simple and unobtrusive—not too big where I’d get discouraged (as I had with other self-help practices in the past) and not too small where I’d forget I was even doing it in the first place. They served as subtle reminders to not get too discouraged on my bad days, and to keep moving on my good days.

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It took time to learn and trust myself well enough to know what worked best for me, and my individual needs. I have made a lot of progress in these past few years, and while a lot of it has been slow and painstaking, it has also been well worth it. Finding healing is still an ongoing journey for me, but the biggest help was learning to embrace that healing can come in many different ways.

What other ways have you tried to find mental, emotional, or spiritual healing? If something specifically worked for you, please leave a comment below.