In one way or another, disappointment touches all of us. It’s one of those universal life experiences that no one, no matter how hard they try, can get out of.

Whether it’s job loss, family problems, broken relationships, financial troubles, or personal limitations, disappointment can seep into every sacred crevice of our lives, sabotaging, what we thought would be our happiest moments.

For me, life’s disappointments began in childhood.

Growing up, my parents always made me feel in one way or another, that I was one of their life’s biggest regrets.

They constantly complained about the financial and emotional burden of raising children, and gave a strong sense that if they could go back and do it all over again, things would be a lot different.

Their passive aggressive silence, and over-aggressive actions left me feeling like the universe and God had somehow gotten it all wrong, and that I really wasn’t meant to be here.

“I know what is feels like to be unloved…to make mistakes, to suffer disappointment, yet also to find the courage to go forward in life.” -Tim O’Brien

This silent thread of disappointment followed me through every major event in my life. I’d get a job promotion, only to have my workload doubled, and my stress load tripled. I get into a relationship where it felt like there was a mutual connection of attraction pulling us together, only to discover months later that they’re in another relationship.

Every high in my life was met with devastating lows. What was going on? Was this what the universe called balance?

Dealing with the “Disappointment” in the Room

It took me many years before I recognized, and then found ways to stop, the cycle of disappointment that had started in my childhood and followed me through many of my worst break-ups, career let downs, financial woes, and personal failures.

Continual disappointment can be a sign that you might not be honoring your truest intentions, and may not be allowing your real feelings to show through in your day-to-day life.

It can symbolize that your internal desires are not properly balanced with your external experiences.

In my own personal journey, I’ve gathered a few tips that have helped me to repurpose my pain, break the cycle of disappointment in my own life, and add more meaning to my experiences, which I share here with you in your journey to find healing.

START IMAGINING WHAT YOUR HAPPINESS FEELS LIKE
“Your imagination is everything. It is the preview of life’s coming attractions.” -Albert Einstein

A little imagination can go a long way. Dream a little. Sometimes we get so caught up in the day-to day of life, we forget all that we have to offer. Give yourself permission to create and embrace your future hopes and dreams.

GET YOUR LESSONS OUT OF IT, YOU EARNED IT
“When it hurts – observe. Life is trying to teach you something.” -Anita Krizzan

Pain is one of the most universal signs that something is wrong. While most pain seems scheduled to show up at the most inopportune times in our lives, take notice of when it’s happening and why. Listen to your pain. Something may be off in your life, and a change may be in order.

DON’T RUSH YOUR HEALING
“Take your time healing, as long as you want. Nobody else knows what you’ve been through. How could they know how long it will take you to heal.” -ABertoli

Most people want you to hurry and get over it. Believe me, I’ve heard it all, “you’re still upset about that!” “Oh, I had forgotten all about that, you’re still thinking about it?” or “I thought you would have let all that go by now.” Don’t let anyone make you feel guilty for how long you decide to take to grieve and understand your pain. Healing is a personal process, so take all the time you need to become whole again.

FIND A CREATIVE OUTLET
“We all need to have a creative outlet – a window, a space – so we don’t lose track of ourselves.” -Zoketsu Norman Fischer

Oddly enough, my creative outlet is doing puzzles. Sometimes I play music or put on an old movie while I work on one. It helps me to relax and feel connected to a sense of peace within me. Whatever your hobby, it’s all about taking your mind off what’s right in front of you, and channeling your energy to find out what’s going on inside of you.

BE KIND TO YOURSELF
“Be nice to yourself…It’s hard to be happy when someone is mean to you all the time.” -Christine Arylo

Read, watch, play, and do things that are nourishing to your mind, body and soul. Seek out fulfilling experiences like going to a museum, starting a new class, or just going for a walk. Your spirit is broken and needs a little bit of nourishment and attention. Give yourself the extra kindness you deserve.

THE END OF A RELATIONSHIP (OR EVENT) DOES NOT MEAN THE END OF YOU
“I am what I am because I am.” -Unknown

It’s so hard to avoid the common identity trap that what we do, or who we date, is who are. Our relationships, jobs, or even personal accomplishments do not define us. Who we are is already internally defined. Our external experiences cannot destroy us, they can only bring to the surface our strengths, and the unique person we already are.

BE HONEST WITH YOURSELF ABOUT HOW YOU ARE FEELING
“I have learned now that while those who speak about one’s miseries hurt, those who keep silence hurt more.” -C.S. Lewis

Avoiding your disappointment is the worst way to deal with it (or not deal with it). Even if you begin to acknowledge your pain and disappointment in a strictly private and personal setting, like journaling or talking to a therapist, don’t ignore it. The deeper you hide your pain, the harder it becomes for you to find it, and heal it.

TAKE A BREAK
“It’s very important that we re-learn the art of resting and relaxing…it allows us to clear our minds, focus, and find creative solutions to problems.” -Thich Nhat Hanh

I mean this in the literal sense, take a break! Whether that’s a vacation (or staycation) from work, getting off social media for awhile, or just staying in for the weekend, take the time off you need to process and recover your mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual well-being.

EXAMINE YOUR OWN FLAWS
“Do not lose courage in considering your own imperfections.” -Saint Francis de Sales

One of the hardest truths I’ve ever had to accept is that sometimes, I’ve made my own bed hard. I’ve made bad decisions in the midst of overwhelming evidence, I’ve spent on things I shouldn’t have, and I’ve dated people I should have stayed far away from. Holding yourself accountable has nothing to do with blaming yourself, it’s about taking a deeper look at some of your own faulty behavioral or thought patterns to avoid repeating painful situations, and start making space in your life for peace and happiness.

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Lastly, be proud of who you are, all you have been through, and your determination to keep going. If you’re here, you’ve already decided you’re not giving up on yourself, and that is the real evidence of true strength and courage.  

“Disappointment to a noble soul is what cold water is to burning metal; it strengthens, tempers, intensifies, but never destroys it.” -Eliza Tabor