“Forgive yourself for not knowing what you didn’t know before you learned it.” – Maya Angelou

I use to think my 20s were the most wasted decade of my life. It was a period in my life that started with so much promise, yet ended with so much disappointment and unrealized potential. The missed opportunities to have made a better life for myself now seemed endless.

On my harshest days, I would look longingly back over my younger life, silently whispering to myself “where did it all go wrong?” I had made so many monumental mistakes that by the time I entered my 30s, I was in a deep depression.

Self-doubt plagued me at every corner. I was so fearful of making another disastrous and irreversible life decision, that I became afraid to live my life. I stopped taking chances, and only dared to go as far as to dream about the life I longed for, not go after it

I felt as though my life would be so much different today if I could just go back and do things differently. I would always say to myself, “had I but known, I would have done so many things differently,” never once acknowledging the simple fact that I didn’t know, and was doing the best I could at the time.

Understanding Your Younger Self

For much of my younger life, I was misguided and lost; and the worst part about it was I had no idea. It took me time to recognize that my 20s were a byproduct of my early upbringing and teens.

The path to who I was then was set in motion long before I hit adulthood. I grew up in a tumultuous home devoid of love and filled with chaos. As a young adult, I was more acting out a script than I was living my life thoughtfully on my own.

It took me time to see that I was replaying all the bad habits I had learned growing up, and that as long as I continued to play my life on a tape, I was destined to make the same mistakes over and over again, and experience the same regret over and over again.

“With the recognition of the path that led us to our mistakes comes understanding and peace.”

How we are raised, combined with the different, and oftentimes very difficult, life circumstances are a major part of our identity. How we are treated in regards to our emotional and physical needs, influence the tone and the quality of our decisions and experiences.

There is no need to struggle with the regret over what may sometimes feels like a wasted youth. You did the best you could given the life tools you had at the time.

Holding on to regret from your past can prevent you from seeing all the potential you have to offer your future. Armed with hindsight and experience, here are 10 regrets to forgive yourself for so you can begin to enjoy the life you have now and embrace what life has ahead.

1. Not Traveling More

We receive a constant message that we are supposed to travel when we are young, but this message isn’t always true. Many of us miss the opportunity to travel in our 20s due to various life circumstances such as money, health issues, children, or taking care of sick family members. The best time in life to travel is when you are ready. Oftentimes, this may be when you are older, and are financially able and emotionally ready, to begin a new journey.

2. Missed Educational Opportunities

It’s hard to avoid the big “what if” lingering over us as we wonder about the difference education could have made in our adult lives. As someone who went to college and never used my degree, I’ve learned that success and education aren’t always intertwined. There are many different factors at play in determining our achievements. Education aside, our self-worth is deeper than a degree, and our capacity for greatness is tied more to our potential, than to our past.

3. Not Standing Up for Yourself More

Our true voice is oftentimes trapped underneath layers of fear, insecurity, low self-esteem, or pressure. There are many situations in the past we may have walked away from because we felt too afraid to speak up. This is nothing to be ashamed of, because your character was just beginning to take shape. Life will present many more challenges for you to face head on, and as you mature, so will your confidence in yourself.

4. Gossiping

Gossiping is a negative form of communication, and is an unhealthy way of projecting our own fears and insecurities onto others. We gossip because we want someone else to look the way we feel. Our need for social acceptance can cause us to do and say things about others that we are not particularly proud of in retrospect. The best form of acceptance is self-acceptance. Understanding this will help you to find the positive qualities within yourself, and in those around you.

5. Buying not Renting

I made the mistake of purchasing a cheap property in my 20s. At the time, it was a great source of pride and accomplishment, but as the years passed, and I was ready to move on, I found that I was unable to find any willing buyers. Taking the plunge into home ownership is a chance we will all take at some point in life. Whether it’s a deal that works out or not, it’s a learning experience that will grow your financial acumen and understanding of the real estate market so that you are able to make wiser investment decisions in the future.

6. Credit Card Debt

Credit card debt is a common phenomenon, and is a burden many of us carry over from young adulthood. There is an allure of credit cards that make it difficult to see the truth that while we may materially have more, we financially have less. Personally, while debt has been an utterly demoralizing experience at times, it has taught me the importance of money management, and that the true value of an item is not in its price, but in what it adds to your life.

7. Dating the Wrong People

I use to feel like I had some secret super power for attracting all the wrong people. I was young, hurt, vulnerable, and fragile, and this made it hard to see that many of the people I chose to date did not have my best interests at heart. Dating the wrong people can leave us feeling empty and scared to move on. As your self-esteem and self-respect grows, so will trusting your instincts, making it easier to weed out candidates who are not worth your time and value you have to offer a relationship.

8. Not Exercising More

As I got older, I was shocked not only by my weight gain, but also by my inability to commit to a regular exercise routine to lose it. This affected my body image and overall outlook of myself. My weight became and emotional sore spot, and I began to attach my inability to lose weight with shame and failure. Developing a healthy lifestyle takes practice. Even if you didn’t form those habits in your youth, through patience and commitment, it is possible to make your older self a better version of your younger self.

9. Missed Job Opportunities

It’s difficult to find a career footing when you are first starting out. Many employers simply aren’t willing to take a chance on someone who is young and new to the workforce. It’s an unfortunate flaw in the hiring system that many companies only see your lack of experience, not your potential for growth. Although constant job rejection can lead to defeat, a missed career opportunity in one field, can oftentimes lead to another somewhere else.

10. Worrying too much

Too many of us spent too much time worrying about our future. It’s completely understandable given the fear, anxiety, drama, indecision, or disillusionment you experienced. Worrying less is all about learning how to let go. With experience and time you will develop a keener sense for what is really worth your thoughts, energy, and attention. 

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It’s taken me many years to let go of my past, and learn to be more compassionate toward myself. There are still many things I wish I had the foresight and knowledge to make different decisions, but with every decade of life, comes a greater capacity for understanding and forgiveness. 

As difficult as some aspects of that time in your life may have been, it helped to prepare you for today and fully appreciate the moments in your life now. 

“It is through learning how to let go that we are able to embrace our past, and release our fear of the future.”