“Quiet the mind and the soul will speak.” —Ma Jaya Sati Bhagavati

I’ve always had the sense that I was never held as an infant.

Of course, this is something I can’t prove, but for some reason, I’ve always felt I could sense this on a deeply soulful level. I also look to my past experiences growing up as evidence that this may have been the case.

If how I was treated as a child is any indication of how I may have been treated during my first few years of life, then it’s not hard for me to believe that those early moments of self-love that only a parent can provide, were in many ways overlooked, or simply not done at all.

Even without access to those memories, I am a deeply emotional person, and find it difficult to bring myself to a place of inner calmness when faced with an upsetting, awkward, or embarrassing situation. Long after an event has passed, or a persons’ words have already been said, I oftentimes find myself reliving all the negative emotions that moment brought up, even days or months after it happened.

If you too are a deeply emotional person, or find yourself having trouble letting go of the negative emotions, here is how having an effective self-soothing practice can help, as well as list of ideas you can try.

Self-Sooth vs. Self-Care

Self-care is to escape the outer world, self-soothing is to heal the inner.

While both share similar aspects, there are certain elements of self-soothing that go much deeper than anything a traditional self-care routine can provide. 

Self-soothing activities are much more attuned to your intuitive needs. Self-care tends to focus more on relaxing the body, where with self-soothing, the importance is placed on trying to comfort yourself from the inside out.

Why You Need to Self-Soothe

Self-soothing is about providing healing and comfort on a much deeper level, so that you’re able to face and manage your daily obstacles and challenges with an emotionally clear slate.

If like me, you have a sense that you weren’t soothed as a child, then it becomes even more important that you find ways to do so as an adult. Especially if you find yourself deeply hurt by past and present events, and unable to calm down or let go for long periods of time.

This is the case with myself. Sometimes just thinking about a painful or upsetting situation, even weeks or months after the fact, can cause me to become upset all over again. I’m not necessarily reliving the event, but because I cannot let go, I am constantly being reminded of the parts that still sting and hurt.

Finding a good self-soothing routine has helped me to untangle some of my more difficult emotions from past experiences.

It’s given me an opportunity to better understand and manage my emotions both privately and publicly. I have a better sense of which emotions are accurate responses to the moment at hand, which ones are over-reactions, or which ones are hitting a deeply buried emotional cord, that still needs my attention.

It’s taken me several years of close self- observation, reading, and applying different self-help practices, to come up with a few different ways to loosen the hold negative feelings can have; and effectively comfort and calm myself down after a traumatic experience.

If you find yourself still grappling with the emotions from painful past events, or unable to calm down after an upsetting situation, here is a list of 25 self-soothing activities to help mentally and emotionally nourish and repair your wounded soul.

“Each person deserves a day away in which no problems are confronted, no solutions searched for.” —Maya Angelou

25 Self-Soothing Activities

1. Take a Walk in Nature – Walking in nature is all about engaging your senses, such as sight, sound, smell, and touch. Walks can help relieve stress, release negative energy, and gain mental clarity through connecting with nature.

2. Guided Meditation –Set aside a few minutes daily or weekly to reflect and reconnect. When dealing with a stressful period, I sometimes will add a 5-minute guided meditation to my morning coffee routine. Check out YouTube for a list of free, guided meditation videos.

3. Create a Vision Board –Even in the midst of our worst emotional and mental spaces, we still have hopes and dreams. Creating a vision board can be a great source of encouragement when you’re feeling troubled, letdown, or disappointed. You can buy a few vision board supplies to put up in a room, or do something as simple and private as adding a few pictures or quotes to a bullet journal.

4. Reading – Getting lost in a good book is a great way to find yourself. Pick out a book suited to your personal needs or interests, and start reading.

5. Visualization Exercises – Visualization is a great technique to help cope with past disappointments and future fears. Try adding a visualization exercise to you morning or evening routine to help add context and insight to past events, and prepare for future ones.

6. Massages – Consider trying a natural or energy-based massage, that focuses on the mind-body connection.

7. Deep Breathing Exercises – What’s great about deep breathing exercises is that it can be done anytime throughout the day. Set aside some time to do some breath work, or take few moments to inhale and exhale deeply when feeling stressed or overwhelmed.

8. Drink a Warm Beverage – When feeling upset or overwhelmed, make yourself a warm drink. Warm beverages can have a relaxing effect through your sense of taste and touch.

9. Self-Holding – Self-holding is all about comfort through touch. Holding yourself, such as through a self-hug or rocking back and forth, can have a deep vibrational impact, and also serves as a means of comforting yourself in ways you may not have been as a child.

10. Low-Lighting – Lighting plays an important part on our moods. Depending on how you are feeling, light can feel either abrasive or soothing. During the day I prefer a bright light, but as evening approaches, I like the room to be lit with a soft light. It’s a small adjustment, but consider your preferred method of lighting based on your moods. Your sense of sight can go a long way in providing you with additional, yet subtle, comfort.

11. Watch a Stimulating TV Shows – I used to spend hours binge-watching certain TV shows. Binge-watching is not self-soothing, it’s a form of self-avoidance. When using TV as an outlet to let go and relax, try to pick stimulating TV shows you’re interested in. Watching something to escape versus watching something you enjoy is a small difference that can have a big impact on how you feel.

12. Listen to Positive Morning Affirmations – Somedays, you just wake up just a little more upset than others. When this happens, go to YouTube and pull up a few positive daily affirmations to listen to while getting dressed.

13. Fall Asleep Listening to Positive Affirmations – Just like in the morning, listening to positive affirmations is something you can do in the evening after a long day. It’s an effortless way to reprogram negative self-conscious self-talk. Again, YouTube is a great resource for this. They have tons of calming night-time affirmation videos you can listen to until you fall asleep.

14. Drawing or Coloring – Drawing or coloring is a great way to release tension. Grab an adult coloring book, try sketching on a blank piece of paper, or just doodling in your bullet journal.

15. Listening to Uplifting Music – I have to admit, I’m a sad song kind of gal. I used to always listen to sad songs when I was upset. I thought I was tapping into how I was feeling, but what I was really doing was making myself feel worse. It’s okay to listen to music to help you express how you feel, but if listening to certain songs always leaves you feeling worse than before, consider creating a playlist specifically with music that makes you feel better about yourself.

16. Enjoy Your Favorite Meal – For me this is ordering out, but for you it may be the experience of taking the time to prepare something for yourself with care. Taste experiences through food is a big part of self-soothing, as it reminds you of the things you enjoy, while nourishing your body. Whether you prefer to make it yourself, or go out and buy it from your favorite place, make it a point to sit and enjoy.

17. Candle Therapy – Candles are great for setting the ambiance of a room. Try an energy candle during the day, or a scented candle in the evening to help set the tone and mood of the space of your home environment.

18. Create a Morning or Evening Routine – Create a space in your day where you are a hundred percent emotionally and mentally available to be there for yourself. Set aside a few moments in your day to give yourself time to reflect on how you feel, and actively repair your wounded emotions.

19. Practice Positive Self Talk – Positive self-talk keeps you in the present moment, while negative self-talk can remind you of the pain from past events. Practice saying positive and encouraging things to yourself in the midst of feeling upset, to help keep you grounded in the present moment.

20. Home Hobbies – Try a creative activity that you enjoy doing. Hobbies help you tune your inner creativity, and help you to connect with the parts of your being that you may have a hard time expressing, or getting in touch with.

21. Writing – Personal writing is your safe space. A lot of times we keep our deep and most hurtful feelings silently trapped within us. Use writing as a way to untangle and express how you feel.

22. Take a Warm Shower or Bath – While similar to self-care, the idea here is to focus on cleansing the negative emotions you may be feeling from a bad day, or upsetting event off, and restarting fresh again.

23. Talk it Out – Some forms of self-soothing require support. Reach out to you support system, like a trusted friend, therapist, or spouse to vent, talk, and gain a deeper perspective on how you feel.

24. Take a Literal Break – Sometimes a bad day can come out of nowhere. When this happens take a break. If you can manage it, give yourself permission to take the night off, or at least just take it easy, so you can reset, recoup, and start fresh for the next day.

25. Go Easy on Yourself – Giving yourself a hard time doesn’t make anything better. Allow yourself room for error. Everyone makes mistakes, but sometimes when you are emotionally wounded, or dealing with unhealed pain or trauma, your mistakes can feel amplified. Don’t over-focus on your mistakes, and give yourself the proper credit you deserve for how far you’ve come.

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It takes time to find the right combination of self-soothing activities that fit your specific needs.

Keep in mind that self-soothing is something that helps over time and with practice. Each time you try an activity that relaxes and nourishes a wounded part of you being, the next time you’ll find it a little easier to calm down and feel better.

If you have any self-soothing practices or techniques you use to get your through your difficult times, feel free to let me know by leaving a comment below.