From bad decisions, to broken dreams, the possibility for catastrophe are endless.

“Well, what did you think would happen?”

I sat next to my husband on the couch as he watched T.V. He didn’t even take his eyes off the screen. To him, both the question and the answer seemed obvious. But for me, the question felt heavy, unfair, given everything that had happened.

Overwhelmed by the stress and chaos that had been piling up over the last few months, I replied with a quiet, defeat in my voice, “not this.”

—

About a year ago, I left my career.

It was one of the soul-sucking jobs. My career experience was riddled with blatant mismanagement, undercutting pay tactics, and grossly negligent business practices.

It was the kind of job that almost seems impossible to believe when you retell stories to friends and family about some of the day-to-day antics. The kind of stuff you only see in movies, or TV shows known for their extreme social commentary.

It was a business that thrived on its toxic, cut-throat culture.

The employees who usually survived were the ones who truly bought-in to the corporate hustle; the ones who came in and tried to actually change it, never lasted long.

After five years, I couldn’t take it anymore.

Instead of waking up every day to face a life I didn’t want, I chose to wake up every day and work for the life I didn’t have, in hopes I would one day soon eventually get there.

So, I saved up for a few months’ worth of bills, and turned in my resignation.

I figured worst case scenario, if money got a little tight, I’d find a part-time job. I admit, my plan was a little skimp on the details, but I reassured myself that because I had set out on this journey with good intentions, that luck and fate would at least meet me half-way.

—

Less than three months in, I ran out of money.

This of course was one of the outcomes I had planned for. I was prepared to have to go back to work, but what I wasn’t prepared for was not getting any call backs.

I spent months trying to find a job. Anywhere that would have hired me, I would have accepted. Most jobs didn’t even bother to respond back, and the few that I did receive a rejection letter from were mostly impersonal, automated emails. The ones where you can tell your resume just went into a computer’s search system; no one actually bothered to read it.

I struggled through this period. It wasn’t just the financial toll, it was the personal. While the job search is a highly mechanized process, I couldn’t help but feel like I was personally being singled out for failure.

Because I couldn’t find work, and my writing career was still too new to bring in any money, my husband and I couldn’t afford to stay were we lived. We found small one-bedroom apartment, and moved out.

A little bit of light came in when I got a call back for a part-time job working on a line. The pay was terrible, and the hours were inconsistent, but I was desperate. Anything to make the unbearable a little more bearable.

I was working, but I wasn’t living. I oftentimes felt depressed when I worked in my last career, but when I made the decision to leave, it was like a burst of exhilaration hit me. For the first time, in a long time, I felt excited about the future. Now, I was living in that future, and somehow my dreams felt like a cold mockery of my reality.

Every morning I wake up, I pour myself a warm cup of coffee. Lately, as I slowly take each sip, I’ve been trying to make sense of the past year.

Sometimes I cry, sometimes I reflect, and sometimes I just sit in silence, hoping the answers I need will somehow show up one morning.

“How did I get here?” “Why can’t I find a job?” “Am I self-sabotaging my own dreams?” “Why do I keep writing if no one is reading?”

I had the highest hopes, and the best intentions, and it seemed like no matter which way I chose, fate was always there to stop me, and laugh in my face.

Hitting my personal bottom, has left with a few takeaways, and a deeper respect for the unknown nature of life and circumstance.

If you too have been experiencing in your life, more downs than ups, here are a few simple observations and perspectives that have helped me through some of my darker moments, that I hope will also help you too.

1. There’s an Opportunity in Every Setback

“Challenges are what make life interesting and overcoming them is what makes life meaningful.” —Joshua J. Marine

After a few months of scraping by at my part-time job, I got hired as a customer service rep for another company.

It was customer service, but it was more money, and I needed it. It didn’t exactly feel like a win, but the extra money would help relieve some of the pressure I was under.

About two weeks into training, I left class early because of abdominal pain. By the end of the day, I was in the hospital and had to have surgery. I had a cyst on my ovary that had twisted it, and ruptured. I didn’t even know it was there.

My new job was understanding per se, but there really wasn’t much they could do. They rescheduled me for the next training class. It wouldn’t start for another three months.

To say I was disappointed, wouldn’t fairly capture how I truly felt my first few days home from the hospital. I went from a low-paying job, to a no-paying job, all within the span of a few days.

What little I can capture for those days is that I felt as though once again I could never truly get comfortable with life. That as soon as I turned around, I was always having to brace myself for the impact of something else.

Although this was a triple blow — financial, personal, and physical, I still recognized the fact that had a choice I could make. I could stay home depressed, waiting for the next training class, or I could wake up every morning, and continue to work on my writing. I chose the latter.

Every setback presents an opportunity for us to grow and mature. Oftentimes the choices we are presented with are not easy, like choosing to still keep going, even when you have every reason to give up.

Who you are meant to be will be defined by those difficult choices. If you have the chance, always choose the opportunity that allows you to continue to grow.

2. Little Wins Are Great Accomplishments in Disguise

“Success is the sum of small efforts, repeated day-in and day-out.” —Robert Collier

My routine has been my salvation.

There’s nothing special about it. I wake up, I drink coffee, I write. Although day-to-day, it never feels like I’m getting anywhere, when I look back over the past few months, I see I’ve built a blog, I’ve written for several larger blogs, and I’ve also submitted a few pieces to an online writing platform.

My routine has become the single greatest source of consistent accomplishment in a year full of constant change.

Your greatest achievements are hidden in your daily routine.

Whether you feel like it or not, keep up a simple daily practice, because it’s within the small accomplishments, from which you build the character, confidence, and inner calmness you need to keep going.

3. As Long as You’re Growing, You’re Headed in The Right Direction

“Be patient and tough; someday this pain will be useful to you.” —Ovid

In the midst of everything going wrong, it can be hard to feel sure of yourself.

If anything, the things that are falling a part in your life, may seem to only confirm your worst fears — that you’re not meant to be successful, things will never work out for you, you’ll never meet the right person.

Sometimes, it’s within the most challenging of life experiences that we are able to see ourselves clearly, and become fully aware.

Even without the external validation – the new job, the new opportunity, the new relationship — if who you are now is in some way stronger, kinder, and more grounded than who you started out as, then know you, one way or another, are headed in the right direction.

4. It’s Okay to Admit You’re Upset

“Never apologize for showing feeling. When you do so, you apologize for the truth.” —Benjamin Disraeli

Take time to validate your feelings.

How you feel will often determine your daily decisions. Don’t let months, or even years, of built up disappointment, anger, or even bitterness color your emotional and mental lens for which you view life. Our negative emotions can trap us, so give yourself non-judgmental permission to vent when needed.

Giving voice to how a situation is truly making you feel can be a truly freeing experience.

Your emotions are a gateway to your true solutions. They reveal the real pain behind your problems, and where to begin healing.

5. Give It Time

“The days are long, but the years are short.” —Gretchen Rubin

I looked at my husband as I sat down beside him on the couch. With a heavy sigh, I asked, “Baby, don’t you think I made the wrong decision to quit my job?”

He took his eyes off the TV and looked over at me quizzically, one eyebrow raised, and responded, “Isn’t it too early to tell if it worked out or not?”

I looked back at him confused. I pointed out that it had been well over a year since I quit my job, the bills were piling up, my blog was going nowhere, and once again I was out of work.

He shrugged his shoulders, “I don’t know, I guess I really hadn’t thought about it. I figured it at least take a few years to pull this whole writing thing off.”

I didn’t respond, because honestly, I didn’t have one. To me, it had always felt like my dreams were taking too long. It had never occurred to me to measure my success by any other means, other than time.

Don’t use early setbacks or defeats to measure your likelihood of success. It takes time to build your dreams, and sometimes, a year just simply isn’t long enough to properly assess whether or not your plan was a good idea.

Whatever it is you’ve decided to do, it takes time. It takes time to learn the ins and outs of a new business, it takes time to learn from your mistakes, and it takes time to develop a mindset that will sustain you through the difficult periods in your life.

Don’t get discouraged too early. Give yourself, and more importantly, give your dream, time to grow.

—

Getting through the darker spaces of our lives is more than just about feeling better, it’s about building yourself up for the future you are trying to create.

If you gone through an extended period in your life where everything has gone wrong, please leave a comment below on how you were able to stay strong and keep going. You never know when your experiences may be of help to someone else in your same situation.